An Apple A Day...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. 
     I just wish it would do the same for those pesky Jews

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 
     But when it comes to the Jews...  do it first!

You've hit the nail on the head.
     Now go do something about those Jews.

If at first you don't succeed...  try, try again.
     And eventually we'll get rid of the Jews.

You've let the cat out of the bag.
     Oh, well.  Don't let the bag go to waste.  Stuff a Jew inside.

The more the merrier.
     Keep filling those showers with Jews.

Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today.
     Especially when it comes to killing Jews.

Practice makes perfect.
     So all you Nazis keeping on killing Jews until you get it right.

There's no place like home.
     So, when you really look at it, I'm doing a good thing.  I'm sending the Jews home.

I Used To Have An Imaginary Friend...

I used to have an imaginary friend. We never played together, because his imaginary parents didn't like me.

Those who say, don't know.  Those who know, don't say.

Two voices are better than one, unless those voices happen to be in your head.

The heart is a single-minded creature.

I don't see the deaths of the Jews as murder, I see them as very late-term abortions.

The coolest cat in the room, trapped in the body of the biggest dork.

They're good mothers, good wives, good housekeepers...  in other words, they're our enemies.

I let that go.  I didn't have four hours.

They'd rather sit at the cool table, than be the cool table.

The Jews are the disease, and I'm the cure.

Some People...

Some people find solutions.  I find excuses.

I want to breed dogs that are so large they can take over the world.

The Bible doesn't say you can't have "sex" with another man, it says you can't "lay" with another man.

I understand oral arguments.  I have one with Eva Braun every night at bedtime.

New game show idea:  Top That Tragedy.

What attracted me to Eva was her my-uncle-touched-me voice.

Death feels like you're falling backward forever through space.

I died.  It wasn't so bad.

I'm not afraid of what happened before I was born.  Why should I be afraid of what happens after I'm dead?

I'm not a slave to the clock.  At least not until clocks develop artificial intelligence.

I'm Here To Help...

"I'm here to help you," I lied.

On the positive side, it's fascination to see what will one day enslave our kids.

Maybe our purpose in life is to create the artificial intelligence that will one day replace us.

Dog meat:  tough.
Snake meat:  tougher.
Roasted grasshopper:  crunchy.

Hey, you're wearing a hoodie.  You're looking like a guy who wants to get shot.

Poor old dirt farmer.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just that i show my gratitude by being ungrateful.

Liquid Ice.

I've never understood prostitution.  Why pay for it when I can masturbate for free?

If you had been right, and had wanted to collect on our bet, you would have had to been prepared to come over here and shoot me, because there's no way Id've been handing you over that money.  I would have handed over Eva Braun first.

     thewitandwisdomofadolphhitler.blogspot.com

I'm Just Guessing Here...

I'm just guessing here, but one way to tell if you're on the right track is if your most trusted advisors agree with you.  Mine always do.  Or else!

What's the difference between an expert and a so-called expert?

Do vampire parents have to tell their vampire children not to run with wooden stakes?

If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, try this:  Go to the party dressed as his boss...  and fire him!

I know the world looks at me as an evil, murdering dictator...  but, hey, I could be worse.

I find that you always get your way when you have a gun.

A man once told me that humans and apes are a lot alike.  Well, maybe you are, my friend.  But not I.

As a child, I often had to entertain myself.  Maybe it's better if I say no more than that.

God forgives.  I don't.

Consider the daffodil.  And while you're doing that, I'll be invading your country.


The Wit And Wisdom Of Adolph Hitler  @
     thewitandwisdomofadolphhitler.blogspot.com
          jimduchene.blogspot.com

If You're At A Party...

The secret to being liked by people is to serve them a lot of alcohol.  The drunker people get, the more they will like you.

I DEMAND that people like me.  That is why I am so beloved by my countrymen.

I enjoy old cowboy movies, but one thing I don't understand is why, when a cowboy is being dragged around by another cowboy on a horse, why doesn't the first cowboy amuse himself by counting the cactus or something.

The reason I still live after so man assassination attempts must be my hat.

Once, my friend and I were lost in the desert.  When my friend died, the vultures came down to feast.  Was it wrong of me not to let them eat until they had shown me the way out of the desert?

Promises are made to be broken.  I think Chamberlain learned that the hard way.

When I drive, I always have a fake skeleton in the seat next to me.  That way, when I drive around with a real one, no one believes it.

I once fell asleep inside a hollow log out in the woods.  If only my bed were as comfortable.

Can somebody please tell me if Karl Marx and Groucho are related?

I hang a bag of blood just outside my bedroom to keep the mosquitos away.

A World Without War...

I can imagine a world without war...  a world without hate...  and then I can imagine myself conquering that world.

Sometimes I think I'm having a good idea, but then I think it just might be those tiny insect eggs hatching inside my brain.

Whenever I'm listening to Wagner, it's like he's in the room listening with me.  That's why I don't like listening to Wagner.
   
What is it about a beautiful morning that makes me want to kill something?

I have just invented The Death Window.  If there is someone I am unhappy with, I just tell them to open the window for me, and then I push them out.  I guess that's just like a regular window, except I invented it.

If I lived in the Middle Ages, I would have stabbed an enemy to death with my sword before he had a chance to put on his armor.

If your child ever makes mud pies, make him eat them.  Every one.

When I conquer the world, I hope I'm not mean to people...  like I am now.

When I found the dead body with the bullet hole in it's head, at first I was going to call the police, but then I remembered it was me who shot him.

I remember once, when I was a boy, I got stung by a swarm of bees.  It was the kindly village idiot who sucked all the poison out.  He was a good man, for an idiot.  Just a terrible judge of where the bees had actually stung me.